Uncle Joe’s helpful hints for toddler toting moviegoers:
- If your toddler can’t sit quietly for two hours, get a babysitter
- If you think your toddler can sit for two hours, then discover upon reaching the movie theater that he can’t, take him out. We are sorry if this means you don’t get to enjoy the movie. Failure to do this means that the other two hundred people who paid their nine buck won’t get to enjoy the movie.
- Squeaky toys are not an appropriate means of toddler pacification in a movie theater.
- No, really.
- Under no circumstances should you continue pretending that the noisy, squeaky toy toting toddler is not bothering the other moviegoers once they start shouting at you from across the movie theater.
- Be very grateful that the other moviegoers do not have mutant powers, or you would surely find yourself and your squeaky toy impaled on an adamantium claw.
- Slipping quickly out of the movie theater at the beginning of the end credits and making a run for your car may be cowardly, but it’s wise.